'Hot Girl Summer'

Why I’m flirting with arguing against female seasonality

This past week, the sun came out to play. This means I can’t go more than 10 minutes talking about my dating life without the term ‘Hot Girl Summer’ being thrown around.

The term, coined by Megan Thee Stallion in her song featuring Nikki Minaj, describes a single woman, free and flirty who goes out and unashamedly acquires who and what she wants. In theory, it’s brilliant. It’s female empowerment. The Hot Girl Summer phenomenon has become the fodder for Tiktok music videos and memes galore. Hot Girl Summer is a mindset: a sassy energy wherein a female casts the potential aspersions from others aside or silences any self-vilification. It is the stuff of thirst trap mirror selfies and bikini pictures which show a little too much cheek (see above). You can tell this term garnered its viral status from a generation who have not had to yet accept the inevitable fate of a metabolism slowing down; the kind who voluntarily choose to wear low rise cargo pants. Now, in the liminal space post turning thirty, flirty and thriving and unashamedly honest with people about how I’m looking for the love of my life, I am never more than a few sentences away from an engaged couple throwing the H.G.S. term my way. This branding is a neutraliser to my unimpending wedding; a catalyst for the creation of stories which others can live vicariously through.

This week, I’ve been reflecting on if this periodic frolicsome terminology is something we should be endorsing or abhorring. It’s a tough call, but I’m swinging towards the latter.

Don’t get me wrong, I love summer — the start of it anyway. That exuberant feeling of good times to come. The beginning of the summer months, you are brimming with optimism; of not-quite believing the hours you gain in a day. As your body acclimatises to an extended circadian rhythm, you are energised and voracious with the first of the summer wines. A beer garden tan line forms progressively each weekend as a whole host of a new activities and sports become available to you. You are happy to wake up without snoozing the alarm 6 times. You suddenly feel inspired to eat salads and every plan involves having one too many drinks during daylight hours. It’s no wonder you feel sexy. Plus, almost everybody looks better with a tan.

The height of summer is the seasonal definition of Instagram versus reality — particularly if you live in London. A picnic is a romantic idea but mostly results in a warm tub of hummus and some sweaty salami. You know what else is not sexy about Hot Girl Summer? A hot vagina and dehydration. Stranding yourself in the middle of Hampstead Heath without enough water, day drunk and waiting far too long to alleviate your needs, often ends in cystitis. A pair of sweaty tennis shorts left on too long after a doubles game so you can sip a cold pint staring at the handsome men on the adjacent court could result in thrush. There’s nothing sexy about accidentally surviving off white wine and a large bag of crisps for your dinner. It’s less steamy than you think to move your itchy, grass-covered legs to a non-air-conditioned flat to have bloated-kettle-chip-belly sex silently because the windows have to remain wide open to facilitate a breeze. (My street is so quiet; I hear the neighbour unlock his Lime bike every single morning at exactly 7.36am).

A real bug bear of Hot Girl Summer is the pressure. Oh, the pressure! I understand that Hot Girl Summer is an annual opportunity to celebrate single women with their prowess and independence but it relies predominately on one being incredibly self-confident and body positive. A lot of the Hot Girl Summer mantra seems to be about posting scantily clad pictures online. The irony is that this is something I am more prone to do when I’m lonely and looking for validation (or because it’s one of the 3 days of my cycle when I am finally not bloated, ovulating and absolutely feeling myself).

Summer 2017 and 2018 would be assigned H.G.S. labels for me. At the time, I was just having a summer in my 20s. Attending festivals in skimpy crop tops, going to beach clubs in cut out swim suits and lolling on the grass in London with a deep tan and wild blonde curls — I almost, always had a drink in hand. I didn’t have a wrinkle on my face (despite lack of sleep every weekend). I had ridiculously defined abs. I was also crippled with anxiety, probably malnourished, and I look back and want to give that 25-year-old girl a hug. Incongruously, for most of this time period, I was only semi-single. I had a high-intensity, low-commitment boyfriend who didn’t want to be with me. I was using H.G.S. energy to vie for his attention. (It worked, but only the online attention part — He is now engaged to someone else.) Now, I’m still in good (enough) shape, but I’m less inclined to post a bikini holiday picture or choose to wear a skin-tight dress even when I’m feeling fantastic. Can a Hot Girl Summer exist if you wear a loose-fitting linen and Birkenstocks? My summer plans contain less festivals, and more low-key evenings at the pub. If you go to a beer garden in a cute dress and don’t post about it are you having a Hot Girl Summer? Do Hot Girl Summers ever exist in understated offline dimensions?

I do think Hot Girl Summers can exist IRL, but often this is reflective instead of elective. It happens where a woman is open to all that summer brings; of attending large group gatherings with new people. Perhaps she has a dalliance with a holiday heart-throb because she’s recently single or in a period of life where she’s ready to embrace change. Usually, it is only in that glorious sunset of summer — a time when you have the final outside drink in early September in an oversized jacket alongside shorts that reveal an end of summer tan. Here, she will turn to her friends and recount the stories of August. She will say “Oh yes, I had a bit of a 'Hot Girl Summer’ actually.” This is when the mantra is best.

A H.G.S. is mostly funny stories and wild nights. They often involve decisions which people choose to own instead of shame themselves for. Often, they don’t feel all that good at the time. They do feel fantastic when you look back through rosé tinted spectacles and laugh about it with friends though.

Hot Girl Summer is the antidote to ‘Cuffing Season’; a time when the days get shorter and people start bedding in and looking for companionship. Cuffing Season suggests we must follow the hallmark time scale of only being worthy of true love at a time we can validate it by purchasing overpriced gifts for our partners. News flash: long term relationships span all seasons, not just winter. The ideology of Hot Girl Summer is fantastic. I adore the summer months and I love flirting but I think my main issue with it is this: 25 percent of the year only is assigned to the single ladies.

Further still, my sexy friends in relationships should also be allowed to H.G.S. if they want one. Summer should be a time for sun-beam induced glow ups, regardless of relationship status. Friends of mine who are happily shacked up use summertime to put effort and energy into their relationships; for al fresco date nights and holiday romances with their soon-to-be-wedded husbands. And, singletons should have full reign on all seasons. After all, it seems unfair we aren’t rewarded by society unless we get married or have children and we get the consolation of a hot and sticky 3 month period as a booby prize.

I’ve done some wonderful dates ice skating in December. Crisp walks with low light followed by cold pints in a old-fashioned pub in October have made me feel more attracted to someone more than a balmy night in one of London’s parks. You don’t have to wait for summer to start flirting. The reality is that men and women are sexy all year round. In winter, we look cute in bobble hats as we bury ourselves in a sea of scarves. Spring is a time for new beginnings; we shed our inner darkness as we start dress ourselves in paler colours. My personal favourite is Cosy Girl Autumn: a time when you can visibly see change happening around you, roasts are back on the menu (all hail the sumptuous taste of red cabbage and roast potatoes) and every outfit consists of a chunky turtle neck and a great coat.

The reason Hot Girl Summer has cottoned on is because seasons mark change. No matter how much we say we dislike it, people (particularly romantics like me) love the idea of a new chapter. Hot Girl Summer provides us with the opportunity for a new beginning — or at the very least, an interlude. When I lived in Singapore, the sun rose and set at the same time every day. It was constantly 30 degrees. I did not have a Hot Girl Summer for the 18 months I lived there despite it being summer consistently. Mainly because my curly hair didn’t react well to the humidity and the island’s expat bubble was so small that it was impossible to flirt with anyone without soon discovering they’d slept with at least 3 people you know. There is very little that feels arousing about the university style acceptance that the entire expat population has indirectly put their tongue in one another’s mouth. The novelty of the heat wore off quickly and I rapidly became bored of my entire wardrobe. I missed the feeling of transitioning through time. The beauty of the seasons lies in the fact they move on.

You don’t need to be single to be worthy of a summer glow up and feeling yourself. Hot Girl Summer could be about working on your relationship with your partner, about finding new hobbies, or exploring your desires. It’s just about embracing change and the weather might be one factor that helps you facilitate that. If you’re single, you don’t need to wait for the sun to come out to be ready to mingle. Enjoy Cosy Girl Autumn or have a ‘Spring Fling’. You are worthy of more than one season. You don’t need the weather to change for you to do the same.

Get out there - and enjoy yourself without any pressure. Definitely don’t brand this summer as your ‘Hot Girl’ One. You are beautiful all year round and will be for many years to come.