I recently had the honour of seeing true icon, Shania Twain, live. The country legend, aged 58, performed the entire show in a leotard. Not only did I regress to that joyous 7 year old singing into a hairbrush throughout the course of the evening; I realised, the woman was also an early feminist trailblazer.
Man! I Feel Like A Woman! is about so much more than colouring your hair and doing what you dare. Despite the inevitable branding as a hen party anthem, the song has an empowering message. If you look beyond stigmatised short skirts and men’s shirts (something I naturally wore to the concert along with my cowboy boots), you’ll realise the song’s mantra is to remove cultural constructs society holds against females to adhere to gender-normative behaviours. This country woman knows how it is — and has never been afraid to shout about it.
Shania’s encore featured a dramatic re-entrance to O2’s stage donning the leopard print number she wears in the music video of That Don’t Impress Me Much; her abs, still as solid as they were the first time she wore the suit two decades earlier. Albeit agog at her impeccable physique and brimming with the euphoric feeling induced by the song’s opening guitar rif — that was not all that impressed me much.
Bellowing: ‘so, you got the moves but have you got the touch?’ — I had an epiphany. That Don’t Impress Me Much still bangs today. Not only, for the nostaglia and the electric cowboy aura it enlivens but because it is more relevant than ever in 2023. Shania’s song states romantic attraction is more than someone’s credentials, physical appearance or the hobbies they keep. The song refers to the magic element of a person that makes them magnetic or special, something which I touched upon in my post ‘Mind the Stats’ earlier this year. Thanks to our dating app culture, we have become overly obsessed with credentials. Often, we prefer to exchange attributes instead of listening to our romantic intuition.
Whether it’s brains, ambition, sporting ability, or social status, we are so easily lured in by our tick-boxes and our ‘tastes’. I thought about what Shania’s modern day trope-based lyrics might look like for women of the woeful swipe game:
Okay, so you’re a tech entrepreneur. So, you got the drive, but have you got the touch?
He’s in the 5am club. You met on Hinge or maybe at a co-working space. Failing that, The Ned. He’ll rack up thousands of likes for a LinkedIn post. Will non-ironically quote Elon Musk while telling you about his last digital nomad holiday to the South of France. Made it on some 30 under 30 list which he will say he is incredibly embarrassed about as he drops it into conversation on the first date. He’s not unkind. Has well-rehearsed, mostly well-executed manners; is chivalrous enough to lend you his Patagonia fleece for the walk home. Everything is backed up with a study. Everything relates back to something he read online or a documentary he once watched. His real priority is making sure he optimises his 9-hour sleep schedule (after all, he heard it on that Tim Ferris podcast). Definitely worth a few dates for some new podcast recs (shock: they all involve Steven Bartlett). His ambition is admirable. He puts in the work. Unfortunately he’s not willing to put in the work to commit to a long term relationship or has ever taken the time to understand where the clitoris is located.
Okay, so you do CrossFit [IronMans and other extreme sports accepted]. So, you got the bod, but have you got the touch?
Has all the gear and a lot of the idea. Looks great in lycra. Good hair (even after wearing a helmet for hours). Thinks you enjoy hearing about his PBs or his one rep max. Definitely uses you as a low-cost sports therapist to alleviate his competition shame complex and help him to justify why his best mate beat him in the last 5k by 53 seconds. Loves to Huel. Sometimes loves to Juul. Assumes you enjoy WAG life and you’re happy for holidays to exclusively become competition locations. Thinks Park Run is an elite race. Looks insane naked. Has the best body you’ve ever seen. Will check Strava for updates before checking your WhatsApp messages. Sadly, Sundays are for cycling, not for slow walks or sensual sex. Will try and make you go on a tennis date. If you agree, will be annoyingly condescending about your serve. Initially, you’ll be blown over by his muscles, routine and his resilience but eventually your mid week dates will be ruined by his need to rebalance his chicken, broccoli and rice ratio.
Okay, so you have a SohoHouse Membership? So, you got the status, but have you got the touch?
Ex-investment banker, consultant or lawyer. Now works in a creative industry (probably videography) because the corporate world was skin-deep, a-moral and burnout inducing. Has an all-year tan. Wears a sexy chain. Has a YouTube channel, more than one property in London and a seriously good oversized t-shirt collection. Bangs on about about how much he loves' ‘alternative’ film yet pronounces Taika Waititi’s name incorrectly. Pronounces most things incorrectly, actually. Has some great travel stories and the drone footage to prove it. Pays for everything on an Amex. Asks if you ski and how many times you go in a year. Will organise a fantastic date. Understands what makes a good restaurant; talented at finding places with 'good vibes’. Has been to every new spot in town. Can get you on the guest list for the cocktail bar opening you’ve seen all over Instagram. His mate is the founder. Dating is fun, flirty and fancy but things feel perpetually skin-deep and eventually you’ll feel like this interaction is borderline a-moral and burn-out inducing.
Okay, so what do you think you’re Fred Again or something…? So, you bring the tunes but have you got the touch?
Annoyingly yet alluringly aloof. Effortlessly edgy. Thinks he’s Fred Again. Or knows at least three people who personally do know Fred Again. Every date is incredibly fun and spontaneous but always involves one too many drinks and will leave you waking up hungover on the Wednesday of your career-defining business meeting. Chooses to live in a dodgy part of the city because it’s up and coming. Dad has a trust fund that he forgets to mention. Goes to Glasto every year. Doesn’t take drugs any more but does love a bit of acid when he’s on a big one (which seems to be accidentally nearly every other weekend). Might call you ‘maaate’ if you recount a story funny enough to crack his cool exertion. Sometimes wears sunglasses indoors during the day; annoyingly pulls it off. Hides his wealth by wearing fruit of the loom t-shirts, purchased in bulk at a charity shop. Every date takes an unexpected turn. Will show you a good time but will also show you how to have perpetually crippling anxiety and no money left in your bank account.
Tropes aside, Shania is not saying that ambition, hobbies, interests or any form of capitalist success are completely unimpressive. She instead says that one trick pony CVs, fixatedly-contrived traits or hyper-inflated personal brands are not enough to make someone remarkable. Romance should be based on authentic curiosity. In my opinion, consistent kindness, clear communication and the vulnerability to have uncomfortable conversations is worth more than any career, credential or credit card bill. ‘The touch’ takes shape as personal passion which comes from a place of intrinsic inquisition instead of extrinsic motivation to appear in a certain light and moreover, a genuine interest in each others’ lives.
Date people to discover who they are beyond their accolades. Drop the tick boxes and the ‘types on paper’. Stop trying to ‘work someone out’ from their app profile. Give up job-interview-worthy date exchange of your life time achievements. Focus on finding a feeling. Look into someone’s soul. Search for that feeling of peace partnered with simultaneously unwavering excitement. And, don’t you dare be impressed until you find it.